His kids and I get on amazingly. It’s his parents I can’t seem to win over.

By Jasmine Q.

Meeting your new partner’s kids is pretty nerve racking. I mean, it shouldn’t be, right? You’re a grown up and they’re kids. If anyone’s going to be nervous it should be them. But for some reason, it’s usually the other way around. That was certainly the case in my situation.

You want them to like you. Sometimes you try too hard and walk away wondering where your dignity went, as you try in vain to be cool. (Quick FYI, if you didn’t know it already, using the word ‘cool’ is a sure sign to kids that you are anything but that).

Sometimes it's a deal breaker if you and the kids don’t get on. And in a way, so it should be. I’m not sure what I would think about someone who put their new partner over their kids - even if that new partner was me!

Either your new partner will say that they can’t be in a relationship where their kids don’t get on with you (which is fair enough), or you say that you don’t want to be in a relationship where you can’t stand the kids. (Also, fair enough).

Anyway, in my situation, I got on with John’s* kids great. We hit it off almost immediately. Sadly, their mother passed away a few years ago, and whilst they had loved the absolute laser focussed attention they got from their dad, they wanted him to move on and be happy.

So we took it slow with the kids at first, just little outings, and movies and things like that. No sleepovers to begin with. Just nice and easy.

When I moved in with them all, they were thrilled. They could see how happy we were together, and they could taste how much better my cooking was than John’s! I knew that I could never take their mother’s place and I knew that there was no reason to even try. I was me, their dad was their dad, and everything was the way it should be.

Now, John’s parents on the other hand … They couldn’t stand me.

For context, there are a few things you need to know.

They adored John’s late wife, Eliza, so that made it hard right off the bat. And from what I’ve heard, and what I can tell, Eliza and I couldn’t be more different.

Eliza was quiet, and demure. I’m not what you would call either of those things.

Eliza was a mother and a homemaker, who, with all due respect, had no desire or ambition to be anything other than that. I have a career, and I’m good at what I do. I’ve worked hard to get where I am today. Of course, I love John and the kids more, but the thought of staying home all day and ‘running the house’ chills me to the bone.

But the biggest thing is that John’s parents are very religious, and I don’t just mean ‘go to church every Sunday’ religious. They are strict, evangelical Christians.

Which is FINE with me. As far as I’m concerned, you can be any religion you like, and be as passionate about it as you like. You do you. Just don’t try to make me do you.

The problem is that they don't mingle much with people outside of their church. They are kind of suspicious about anyone who is not of their faith. And they definitely don’t want one of those people living in sin with their son and helping raise their grandchildren!

I should stop here and tell you that John is not devout like his parents are. He was, when he was younger, and he is still a Christian. Just not the zealot kind like his folks are. To be honest, I think that his beloved wife getting cancer and dying young kind of stretched his faith to breaking point.

Anyway, we have tried everything. Inviting them over for dinners and barbecues. Suggesting family weekends away with them and us and the kids. Watching kids sports together. But they won't budge.

Every now and then there will be times when they can’t avoid me - family weddings and funerals and things like that.

But even then, they will be coolly polite at best. They even seem to have some sort of magical power, because every time I go to speak to them, by the time I get there they are suddenly on the other side of the room. It’s not just God who moves in mysterious ways!

It used to really bother me that John’s folks and I didn’t get on. I wish that we did, but I don't lose any sleep over it. know that I am a good person. I love John, and I adore his kids.

It’s their loss.